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Another Pointless Pondering: the hissing inhale thing

Lynsey G | July 30, 2014 | 12:00 pm

I think she is making that noise at this very moment.

The post I wrote last week about how I generally dislike watching people exchange spit in adult films got me thinking. There are a bunch of things I see in the pr0nz that I’m not a big fan of, personally, and I’m interested in getting feedback to see what other people have to say about them. Not that anybody ever comments on blog posts about pornography, but… it’s worth a try.

Anyway, here’s another thing I find not-so-sexy in my porn viewing: that particular noise that some performers make, in which they suck in breath through their teeth. It makes this sharp hissing noise when they inhale. And it irritates and distracts me.

Like, who breathes like that? Why breathe like that? Is that person ok? Should they have an inhaler nearby?

I’m serious. I find it enormously distracting, because I get caught up on why they’re making that noise. It seems fake to me and I can’t concentrate when I hear it. Like when you’re watching a TV show and you catch a gaping plot hole that nobody is addressing. It drives me nuts. Why do they do this?

Is this sound supposed to indicate pleasure? Is it to show that they’re impressed by what’s happening to them? Is it because the performers want to show that they’re breathing hard and are thus doing a good job? I don’t even know how to place what that noise is supposed to indicate because it’s not something that one hears or encounters in normal life. It seems to be an almost-purely-porn phenomenon. Unless maybe there’s some sport somewhere in which they do it a lot? I don’t watch sports so I might be out of the loop. Maybe it’s a showing-off-during physical activity thing?

The inhale, in most cases, is followed by a loud exhale through rounded lips, so you get a sort of “hiss…hoo” overall sound. It’s distinct. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, just pop some porn on your computer. Click/scroll/whatever through five scenes made by a big company (Vivid comes to mind) and I guarantee you’ll find it in at least one. It’s most prevalent on Barbie-N-Ken style mainstream porn where the showmanship of the performers is front and center, which leads me to believe that this is a learned, porn-performer-specific behavior. I can’t recall a single time in my private sex life in which I’ve heard or used this sound. And, unlike the spit thing I talked about last week, this hissing inhale deal seems to take place most often when the action is not at a particular peak of passion or ecstasy. It’s more often in those in-between moments, when a sound of some kind is welcome because the action is sort of dragging. So I suppose this is sort of a space-filler.

I’ve heard it a lot when women are showing off their private parts to their male partner, or when their partner is going down on them (for the, like, two seconds that it usually happens in the films I’m thinking of). When what’s happening on screen isn’t the most exciting it will get, but it needs to be punctuated by something to show that, yes, this is fun and verrry sexy. And apparently hissing is… sexy?

I dunno. I find it baffling. Like, why not moan or grunt a little, or just breath heavily? Why this weird tooth-sucking hiss thing? Does anyone out there have an answer, or speculation? I’m really curious about this phenomenon. And I’m also curious to know if anybody really likes it or does it in their personal lives. Maybe I’m the weirdo.

WRITE A COMMENT! Help me out!

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Luna Luna: She’s Just Not That Into It (Having Sex)

Lynsey G | July 28, 2014 | 4:57 pm

A new article of mine was published over the weekend at Luna Luna! This one is an advice column to a young man named James, who wonders how to get his l0w-libidoed girlfriend to be more interested in sex. I wish him the best, of course, because it’s my fondest wish for everyone to have more great sex in their lives, but I also cautioned him against trying to “convince” her, and to try listening instead.

A sample:

‘The best you can do for her, continue →

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Come See Me at the 4th Annual New York City Poetry Festival

Lynsey G | July 23, 2014 | 5:44 pm
That's me at last year's festival!

That’s me at last year’s festival!

It’s that time of year again! What time of year? you may be asking. The time when we take off our shoes and lay around on the grass? The time when we buy food-truck morsels and have a picnic? The time when we take a free ferry to a free poetry festival and enjoy the summer on Governor’s Island?

Yes. All that. This weekend is the 4th annual New York City Poetry Festival on Governor’s Island in New York City! It’s free, it’s fun, and it’s… something else that starts with f… Fabulous! Yes. Fabulous.

This year’s festival has the added bonus of hearing me read some of my new poetry, if you’re interested! I don’t know if you know this, but I’ve been working on a book of poetry for the past nine-months-ish, and it’s almost ready to finish gestating. So I’m giving it an ultrasound with the Poetry Brothel on the White Horse Stage at 2:10 on Saturday, July 26th, and you all are welcome to come listen!

I’ll also be offering private readings for a modest fee in the Poetry Brothel’s house on the island from 3:00 – 5:00 this Saturday. Come on in! It’ll be dark, moody, and probably soaked in wine.

AND THERE’S MORE! Luna Luna Magazine will have several poets of their own reading on the Chumely’s Stage on Saturday at 1:20 p.m.! On Sunday, Patasola Press will have a reading at 1:00 on the Algonquin Stage! Hyacinth Girl Press will be on at 4:00 on the White Horse Stage! And so much more. C’mon out! Say hi!

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Pointless Pondering on a Sick Day: The Spit Thing

Lynsey G | July 21, 2014 | 5:22 pm
That's me, pondering important issues on my sick day.

That’s me, pondering important issues on my sick day.

Soooo here’s an admission. I’m out sick today and I suddenly started thinking about the issue of spit being exchanged in “adult films.” And I realized I don’t really dig it when people drip spit into each other’s mouths, or spit on each other’s faces or anywhere else. I see it pretty often, and it kind of grosses me out. continue →

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Luna Luna Magazine: 1 Year Old and Full of Itself (and my writing)

Lynsey G | July 15, 2014 | 6:44 pm

happy-birthday-luna-lunaIt is truly boggling my mind that Luna Luna Magazine turns one whole year old today! It seems like just a few weeks ago I penned my first article, “A Primer on Porn You Can Watch Without Feeling Like a Terrible Person Afterward,” for the benefit of our readers. But it’s true! Our indomitable editor, Lisa Marie Basile, asked a few of us to start a blog with her last July 15, and over the course of the Earth’s last revolution around the Sun, Luna Luna has transformed from 10 or so driven writers and a few readers to over a million hits to date, more than 50 regular writers and contributors, numerous articles that have gone viral, regular features and columns, and general badassitude on a scale nobody could have predicted. continue →

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An Interview with Anna of FrolicMe.com: the new video/photo/erotica hybrid [NSFW photos!]

Lynsey G | July 14, 2014 | 12:00 pm

I recently discovered a new website that piqued my interest: FrolicMe.com. In recent months I’ve been thinking and writing about the similarities and differences of romance novels and erotica versus pornography, so when I found that FrolicMe combines short erotica stories with still shots and video of actors portraying what happens in those stories, I got excited.

Here, in one place, are all the basic mediums through which humans titillate themselves with sexual fantasy. On one website! What a cool idea! The site’s elegant, sleek aesthetic got me very interested, indeed—as if high-end erotica had morphed into films that are sensual without the standard “porny” feel. They felt very much as if someone had stepped into a romance novel and filmed the action while keeping the romantic, not-as-hardcore feel.

Needless to say, I had a few questions for the sites founder, Anna, so we did an interview!

From "Peeping Tom"

From “Peeping Tom”

How did the idea for FrolicMe come about, originally?

It is something that just grew from a blog I started a few years ago now. I was writing a personal diary really, continue →

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Evolve’s Sex-Toy Commercial Isn’t Very Evolved About Sex

Lynsey G | July 9, 2014 | 6:47 pm

The gun-safety  organization Evolve released a commercial recently that’s gone viral. You’ll see why if you watch it below.

Pretty funny, I have to admit. And I love it that commercials like this exist, cause duh lock up your guns, people. I’m glad Evolve is a thing. Awesome.

Also, I’d like to point out that the pink toy in there appears, from the glimpses I’m catching, to be a double-ended dildo. Yeeeeah, Mom! Get down witchobadself. And whomever else you’re using that monster with.

But… But. I have this sort of… grr… continue →

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Luna Luna: An Interview with Fem Appeal

Lynsey G | July 5, 2014 | 5:47 pm

Fem Appeal as Blade (Photo by Ben Trivett). I KNOW RIGHT?!

I interviewed the badass bombshell Fem Appeal for Luna Luna Magazine, and the results are now out on the InterWebz for all to see! It was a fun interview. Fem is a rockin’ lady who enjoys sci-fi, comics, musical compatibility, and gender/race/sex fuckery.

A sample: “If you’re a fan of nerdlesque and pop culture in general, I make sure to add a few references just for you, but if you’re not, you’ll still get treated to one helluva show.”

Go read the whole thing! Now!

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Insatiable: Porn – a Love Story, by Asa Akira

Lynsey G | July 2, 2014 | 6:14 pm

Going into this review, I have to be honest. I am totally biased. I love Asa Akira.

I met her at AVN in 2010 (that’s a link to an interview I did for WHACK! Magazine in 2011; can’t find the 2010 interview). She was warm, friendly, and surprisingly normal. I only say “surprisingly” because she’s one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever seen in person, and because her reputation for extremely hardcore sex preceded her. In short, if she’d been standoffish or haughty or reserved or really anything but a down-to-earth person who seemed like she enjoyed laughing… I wouldn’t have been surprised. But nope. Asa was sweet, open, and relaxed, even though I was nervous as I interviewed her. How can you not be nervous when you’re standing next to someone that gorgeous?

Anyway, fast-forward about three years, and voila! continue →

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So. This happened.

Lynsey G | June 28, 2014 | 4:51 pm

Not sure if I want to be giddily joyous or completely horrified.

this-isn-t-christmas-vacation-the-xxx-parodyFull disclosure: I grew up under the shadow of the Griswold vacation movies, and hated them until I re-watched Christmas vacation as an adult… and realized it is really, really funny. But now… this. My world is collapsing in on itself–all my different lives are becoming one, and it’s beautiful/horrible/scary/hilarious.

To review or not to review… Hmm…

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